IUC World Exclusive: Mayer and Aniston Not Back Together; IUC stands by story Aniston is Dating European Banker

Posted on August 27th, 2010 by HisHighness in IUC:Entertainment, IUC:Exclusive

These two are certainly not back together

These two are certainly not back together

In a spasm of defensive panic, John Mayer lashed out at the Huffington Post and other sites for claiming he reunited with Aniston. (Read This) IUC stands by its story that Aniston is dating a mystery man from Germany. “I don’t know how you found out but you’re right on the money,” a close friend of Aniston told me recently. “For the first time in years Jen is getting the love she deserves. And she’s been spending quite a bit of time in the bedroom trying to get pregnant.” The friend added that Aniston is madly in love and wants to spend the rest of her life feeling like this. “Mayer was terrible in bed, they were not compatible at all,” the friend told IUC. “Jen is a natural romantic. John is a basket case. I think he might be in the closet. Jen gets on famously with her new man. It took her years to get over Brad and her anger toward Angelina Jolie. Everyone gets what they deserve in the end. Jen is happier than ever now while Brad and Angelina appear to be miserable.” Developing…

  1. Tinkuy said on August 27th, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Ian: don’t know where or how you got YOUR journalism credential since YOU’RE incapable of distinguishing between “your” and “you’re”.

    Reply
  2. HisHighness said on August 27th, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    @Tinkuy:
    thanks for the correction Shakespeare, much appreciated. You can now put on YOUR cv that you worked as a copy editor for IUC. Bravo!!!!

    Reply
  3. Togi said on August 27th, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Haaa haaaa. Touche, Ian! ;-)
    @HisHighness:

    Reply
  4. Tinkuy said on August 27th, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    @HisHighness:
    You’re no Sy Hersh, Ian.

    (And to be an utter pedant: please note the correct punctuation. “Shakespeare” should have been offset by commas on both sides.)

    Reply
  5. anon said on August 27th, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Can we assume this German banker is based in LA?

    Reply
  6. Pattyanne said on August 27th, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    So now we are graded on our spelling and grammar? Is this to intimidate some potential posters who may not have had the advantage of a good education, or merely to stroke one’s ego? I am NOT a fan of this as you can tell. Being intelligent enough to garner the base thought of the wordage is sufficient for me, and so much more polite than to admonish others publicly.

    Yer gr8te in mah book Ian! Don’t give a chyt how you spell, or anyone else for that matter. Too nit picky to suit me.

    Reply
  7. Pattyanne said on August 27th, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    I sincerely hope this story is true. I’d love to think that Jen has met her love match, espceially after the cavalier attitude shown her by her ex. Keep us posted as this progresses please.

    Reply
  8. Kate said on August 27th, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Hey PA, how are you feeling? same here, the blog world is not about perfect punctuation. who cares. most of us are trying to do several things at one time, it is easier to just type and forget all that. hey I just wish Jen would end the speculation all the way around and end the triangle, I don’t much care who she is with, as long as it ends he being used to sell Angie.

    i know tink knock yourself out, I don’t care if words are spelled right or there are dots and commas. far to too busy.

    Reply
  9. Keane Cyber Queen Supreme said on August 27th, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    @Tinkuy:

    James, James, James – is this all you’ve got nowadays? Jesus wept!

    Reply
  10. Pattyanne said on August 27th, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Same here Kate. I’d love to see the triangle come to an end, as for BP and AJ I think we’ll be speculating about their non-relationship when they draw their pensions, which won’t be too far ahead of BP. AJ missed her golden opportunity; she was truly on her way when a single mother to one and the boldest bad-azzed HW action star, now? She’s become old Mother Hubbard.

    Seeing a hand surgeon Monday. Hoping for the best, but expecting not so good news. We’ll see what occurs then. @Kate:

    Reply
  11. Tinkuy said on August 28th, 2010 at 1:37 am

    Accuracy is not Ian’s forte, nor is it a major concern of his, whether in punctuation or the details of his stories.

    Reply
  12. alif said on August 28th, 2010 at 2:47 am

    Sometimes, I have several things I do at the same time. And so I make mistakes. I know that most of the posters understand. To the others, I don’t care. I just shrug it off, knowing we are not being graded by anyone we care about. Ha! Ha!

    Reply
  13. alif said on August 28th, 2010 at 2:52 am

    Kudos to Jen! Hope this story is true. Couldn’t understand her fling with John Mayer. Guess she doesn’t know that the fugly Perez Hilton once bragged about bedding John Mayer.
    Didn’t care to hear Mayer sing after reading that on another site.

    Reply
  14. Koichi Ito said on August 28th, 2010 at 4:03 am

    When Jennifer Aniston was young, her parent wanted her to marry Royality or Aristocrat! And of course Wealthy Banker as well! She was groomed to be a bride to either Aristocrat, Royality or Wealthy Banker! One of reason Jennifer Aniston’s mother was upset is because Brad Pitt is not an Aristocrat, Royality, nor Wealthy Banker!

    Reply
  15. Hasbeen Aniston said on August 28th, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    @HisHighness:

    Actually, since it’s a rule of grammar that any nine-year-old already knows, it’s not much to brag about. The sad thing is that it’s basic, elementary English of which YOU, a “published author” were painfully unaware.

    Reply
  16. Umm said on August 28th, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Realy, world exclusive? And how can Brad and Angie be miserable if they broke up ages ago. I mean, wasnt that one broken here too?

    Reply
  17. Hasbeen Aniston said on August 28th, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    There’s about as much truth in this story as there is luster left in Aniston’s rapidly-fading “star.” The “friend” reference is obviously Stephen Huvane, the man who makes a better-than-deserved living coming up with the fiction that passes for Aniston’s “love life.” As is always the case, when she bombs at the box office, Huvane plants a new “romance du jour.” Unfortunately, he has not learned that Mayer is no Vince Vaughn, so he will not always go gently into that “FAKE RELATIONSHIP.”

    Once again, Mayer publicly DENIED any interest in Aniston, so and angry Huvane went running to you with the ridiculous notion that Aniston found Mayer to be “bad in bed.” Well, she sure had a funny way of showing it. She CHASED the poor man around the globe like a love-sick elderly puppy. Then, after he held a PRESS CONFERENCE to dump her, she went running BACK to him. Now, when she needed a fake boyfriend to take the attention off of her Switch failure, she and Huvane dredged up poor Mayer’s name YET AGAIN. All this for a man who was supposedly “bad in bed.” Pray tell, what would she have done had she LIKED it?

    Look, everyone knows you are in “bed’ with Huvane, beginning with your failed attempt to “bring down” Jolie with your crude little worst-selling book (on which Huvane’s paw prints were cleary visible). But YOU FAILED and Jolie continues her reign as the BIGGEST FEMALE MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD (with Salt nearing $250mil on her name alone, after only 5 weeks). While Jolie shines, Aniston has spawned over 1,000 blog articles about her box office FAILURE! She is now so inert she is being beaten in theatres by a cinematic unknown called Bow Wow! She is the laughingstock of Hollywood.

    So keep doing Huvane’s bidding. You are proving to be the best tool in Jolie’s “STAR ARSENAL.” And please keep running articles about Mayer, for it is only a matter of time before he explodes and holds another of those press conferences. And THIS time, neither Granny Aniston nor Huvane will be able to quickly clean the Aniston-image-carnage left in his wake. If anyone can cut her down to the point of being even MORE pathetic, Mayer is just the man for the job. When he finishes with her, she won’t be able to garner the attention of any man under 75. And please stop with the made-up “banker.” If there were a rich guy anywhere in the free world interested in Granny, Huvane would have had the two of them posing for engagement photos by now.

    Reply
  18. Kate said on August 28th, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    @Hasbeen Aniston:
    Ian and company thanks you very much for every letter you contributed. Now, do you have a link to back all that up, or perhaps a reference as to your source, if not we will consider that more of Jolie fan fiction as well. At least it is not as offending at the Grotto. Wish I could be as big a has been as Jen. Bring it on, I need a bigger retirement account. lol How about you? Is yours kicking butt?

    Reply
  19. alif said on August 29th, 2010 at 4:07 am

    For years, Brangelina, and Brangeloonies used Jen as a “red herring” to throw us off, so we will ignore what Angelina Jolie has done, and what Brad Pitt has NOT done!
    Blame the victim, is the tactic. Prisoners frequently use that! And so do psychos; if not psychos, evildoers!

    Politicians do it, and so do celebs.

    There’s a classic story called “The Magnificent Ambersons”. It’s a great movie that offers us lessons about human nature.
    I mention this, because in the story, there is a rich, young man who is able to upset the average townspeople with his disregard for proper social behaviour.
    The older people would observe him and heartily express their desire to see him get his “comeuppance”.
    It eventually happened, but the elders had long since died.
    Point is, AJ and her loonies will indeed get their “comeuppance”. But it may not happen for quite a while.

    I think Jen has behaved with class, esp. with the constant attacks from the loonies on the internet.
    Also, the silly imagery of her as being “unlucky in love”. It could well be that she doesn’t want to find anyone. Her song, until now, might well have been, “I Only Want a Buddy, Not a Sweetheart!”

    Reply
  20. Parlor said on August 29th, 2010 at 11:48 am

    Hasbeen Aniston is right on everything.

    Reply
  21. Tamara said on August 29th, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    @Tinkuy:
    And yet you come back for more and more….don’t understand the logic in that!

    Reply
  22. Tamara said on August 29th, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    @alif:
    Lovely as always Alif – you are truly a breath of fresh air.

    Reply
  23. joanne said on August 29th, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Another reason i believe the extreme right wing is behind Jolie. They are trying to shove Beck and Quitter Palin down our throat and they also put down anyone in their way. Neither of these 3 people care who they hurt in their quest for greatness.

    Reply
  24. joanne said on August 29th, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    @Hasbeen Aniston:
    Links please.

    Reply
  25. joanne said on August 29th, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    = Worldwide: $219,507,202 Thats what salt made=Jolie Failed. She didn’t even have any competition. She has a pretty face but don’t they say that about the extreme obese one who needs blind date?

    Reply
  26. I'm on the bidet said on August 29th, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Note to self: hire Faculty of English at Oxford to check for grammar and spelling before posting here, towards goal of having hate-filled lurkers acclaim me as “The Jane Austen of IUC”.

    Reply
  27. Keane Cyber Queen Supreme said on August 29th, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    @I’m on the bidet:

    Ha ha – I can help with that!

    Reply
  28. Tinkuy said on August 29th, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    @I’m on the bidet:
    Not to worry, IOTB. I’ve only commented on Ian’s & Keane’s faulty scribblings. As a professional writer, Ian should know better. Keane touts her world class education while bullying others, yet makes common errors. I have no quarrel with any other posters on IUC, except those who equate AJ with Hitler.

    Reply
  29. anon said on September 4th, 2010 at 9:43 am

    ….so she is dating a banker (Mr. Snuffleupagus), Morton who she wasn’t with, Josh Hopkins who she is going to work with soon an observed having a non-romantic meal with, and Chris Gartin who is a mutual pal. The first has no apparent physical presence, the second was at a different table, the third is a future work mate and the fouth is a old pal…. Anything you see and read about is controlled for audiences.

    Reply
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  38. [...] Jen and John are over. They are not getting back together and, in fact, the 41 year actress thought John was absolutely terrible in bed and they do not have anything in common, according to Ian Halperin (via IanUnderCover). [...]

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