IUC Fashion: Which Athlete’s Ass is The Hottest?
A lot has changed in professional sports fitness since wideload Refrigerator Perry trotted his way around the football field: barbecue sauce is no longer considered a legitimate hydrator and last time I checked, when you are six foot two and weighing in at 382 pounds, you are not in ideal form. But this rather obvious statement is merely a segue way into the real topic at hand. While pondering the collapsed spread of Refrigerator’s rear, it occurred to me that in sports we talk about players’ form, their technique, their musculature, but rarely do we discuss what most of us find ourselves drawn to. So, today I will open up the forum, of course with my opinion first to step onto the lecturn, and begin the discussion on sports player ass.
In the world of gossip, we tend to boil things down to simple binaries like pregnant not pregnant, dating not dating, hot or not, but when it comes to the rather abundant stern of Serena Williams such narrowing categories can’t be applied. Words like disturbingly large, impressively abundant, of gothic proportions and just plain frightening come to mind when thinking about this courtside diva’s backside. But the real question is: does Serena have a hot ass? Well, my friends I hate to always put a damper on things but I tend to get repelled by body parts that could potentially harm me. If George Clooney had a D ____ that shot bullets, I would probably get turned off; if Eric Bana’s nipples exploded when touched, I probably wouldn’t go near them and because Serena’s ass is so powerful that a clench from either cheek could break my finger, I have to conclude that her hiney does not say come hither but stay the f**** away.
At the same time, taut tiny gymnast-ass is equally repugnant. So what I am saying is when it comes to ass, there has to be a happy medium. Case in point: Rafa Nadal. The gracious Spaniard, who spends much of his valued court-time pulling his gitch out of his nether-regions, has a bottom so round and lean, so muscular and inviting that J Lo in her glory days would have happily given up her can crown.
And then there are those unspeakable asses, those posteriors that are just too perfect for words…falling into that category is David Beckham. Beckham’s behind – tight yet yielding, raw yet supple – is so desirable it makes you forget both his choice in life to marry vile Victoria and the fact that he is perhaps not a man.
So, in my butt books, Beckham takes the grand prize and Serena’s behind lands heavily on the bottom. Who’s your number one?
- 44 Comments
- Tags:
hehehe.. that’s funny. I agree, Beckham has a great ass.
ReplyErin – seriously, do you really think that we are so shallow that we would be entertained by this article? Don’t you have anything better to write about? Lindsay Lohan is killing herself before our very eyes, do you have an opinion on that that doesn’t relate to the size of her ass or whether or not she’s still HOT?? I find this crap journalism really offensive and find it beneath Ian to allow it. I really think Ian is better then this and I don’t know why he allows you to post this kind of sh!t on this blog, I really don’t. A couple weeks ago someone told me I was ruining Ian’s blog and all his hard work by fighting with the FF girls. Well, I think he is doing that all by himself by allowing you to post this kind of thing, he doesn’t need anybody’s help to ruin the blog. I love Ian, but I am sorely disappointed in the direction this blog is headed. Who’s hotter, who has a better ass….who effin cares??? The last time I looked this blog was called Ian Undercover, maybe he should rename it Ass Undercover’s.
ReplyI am lost for words. The one who goes out with Enrique Iglesias or whatever his name is maybe? Who knows, who cares. I think I may go sort my wardrobe into “fancy” and “basic” or something. It would be more entertaining than this.
Reply@Tamara:
Replycompletely agree w/ you. seems like i’m the one providing the news nowadays
Dear Ian: For the next “who is the sexiest/hottest/most desirable” article (since this is now about the 5th one in a row) – how about this: Who is the most sexiest/hottest/most desirable tabloid journalist? OK – you/Sugar Ray – get my vote! Now, can we have a new topic for discussion that is interesting! ha ha (Just another cranky poster)
Replyhttp://www.lifeandstylemag.com/2009/10/large-943-cover.html
“Angelina” confirms to Life & Style Magazine she wants two more babies.
ReplyErin, TMI re: you keep BUTT BOOKS. So superficial in my “book”. This blog is titled Ian’s Undercover Pop News and Views…Oh my golly~! I see where IAN’s coming from now! It’s all about Sex, Titties and Asses~! How silly of me to expect a higher class of undercover expose’. I wonder if this is how citizens of France felt watching King Clovis ll as he went mad…. What ever major event occured in your recent past IAN, it’s done horrible damage to your professionalism. I sincerly hope you can stop this downfall, turn it around, and return to your glory of what was six months ago. It’s getting painful watching you crash and burn , and i’m honestly giving you constructive criticism , and Why You Ask~! Beacuase There Are Those Of Us Who Still Have Faith In You, and In Your Abilities~!! Now shape up mister!!!
Reply@mooki:
Yeah I guess a collection of 6 of anything isn’t really enough for her. Why only have 6 of something when you can have as many as you can afford? I remember her saying she had a collection of 30 knives back in her BBT days so I suspect she still has somewhere to go with her collection of children. I doubt Bradders will have too much to do with any future acquisitions though. Seriously this is desperate isn’t it? She’s Kate Gosselin and Octomom all rolled into one. “Look at me I’m having more children, look at me I’m having them in France, look at me I’m saving them from DYING, look at me I’m giving all the boys names which end in a funky x and naming all the girls something which has a significance with my amazing family, it’s all about me. But I have no idea why people are so interested in my family and I hate, just hate all this dang media intrusion, it is so like um intrusive yano? BTW have I given you my thoughts on the latest humanitarian crisis yet? I think I’m gonna use the words “clear and compelling” again, cos I thought it made me sound intelligent last time. I’m not going to do any more b/w photoshoots though with me looking purdy and enigmatic in ethinic clothes or a power suit cos I was called out on it on the interwebs. I may just try to dress down and wear no make-up to try to look authentic next time. I better get a refill of botox though because I really do look my real age without all the slap. I must also practise my “sympathetic” and “caring” face for the next time I have to meet one of them refugees who are “just like my girlfriends”, it is similar but not quite so full on as my “everything-is-fine-honest-we’re-so-happy” smile I use for Brangelina photo opps. Anyway, can’t stop to chat as have to go practise, speak soon, Angie xx
ReplyReally Erin?
ReplyKeane Cyber Queen Supreme composed a hilarious satire of Angelina Jolie that hits the mark. Your entry is sigh worthy. Such a shame what this site has become.
testing 123
Reply@Keane Cyber Queen Supreme:
Replyhahahaha ECHO ECHO
@mooki:
ReplyThat you are Mooki! And you’re so good at it too so don’t stop!! MUAH!! Much appreciated
@Tamara:
ReplyDude what is your major malfucntion? Do you have a problem with that Erin girl or something…She clearly is just being flippant and funny and your humorless responses are exactly the kind of thing she thrives on. Oh an your barrage of spelling errors aren’t exactly acting in your defense either…just sayin’
Erin-becks does indeed have a hot ass but what do you think of his new beard? I hate it. Is he going for the brad pitt look? He reminds me of captain ahab. Not a good look!
Reply@Keane Cyber Queen Supreme:
Bravo! That is hilarious! Mooki, thanks for keeping us up on all the news.
ReplyNow that we are on the subject of asses……….
I saw a photo of a woman named Co-Co i believe it was, and my gosh! I couldn’t believe anyone could pack around all that junk! She seems rather happy with it, so good for her. Bet Angelina Jolie would love to have half that to repair her pancake ass.
Reply@laughalittle:
Seriously if someone posted something funny maybe someone would. Chatting about who has a cute butt has never been that high on my list of ways to get punters rolling in the aisles to be honest. In general, I would say telling a joke might be a better start, but what the hell do I know? Plus I would try and make it on the subject of something people might need the IQ of say more than an 8 year old to think about. Who has the cutest butt? Who is the sexiest (insert your laziest idea)? I think we could get that from any old junior high school rag. We are intelligent, educated and above all adult people reading and commenting here. Please treat us as such!
ReplyAnd i read now that Omar only married Khloe Kardashian for her ass. Gone are the days of finding a compatable mate…seems it’s actually all about the ass today. Just for kickeypoos i did a google on human rumps…amazing how many pages came up. Seems people have been facinated with the human ass for centuries. I find it makes for a comfortable seat, especially when sitting on a hard surface, but finding that it is also treasured as a sexual lure is news to me. Guess those men and women with large, rounded ass’ are considered sexy and desirable. Me? I like the eyes. Wink!!
Reply@laughalittle:
ReplyHuh? I never said anything about spelling errors – whats that all about?
@Tamara:
ReplyMaybe she’s implying that – gasp! – I inundated the board with a barrage of spelling errors!! Sorry DUDE, if my comment didn’t quite reach your editing standards LMAO I have never seen so many snide remarks about spelling on a blog! I find this hilarious, how’s that for humor??
Wow- this website has officially jumped the shark. It started as an explosive place for salacious gossip, and now we’re rating heinies? This site is gossip-dead, I’m sorry to say.
Reply@Pattyanne:
ReplyPA Coco is married to Ice-T from Law and Order SVU.
@Tamara:
ReplyWell heck Tamara! I hear other boards have this newfangled thingie called GOOGLE DICKSHUNAIRY…maybe we need to ask IAN to install one here for us and our guests? Personally, i think typos and misspelled wordings should be required. Wink!! Lighten up laughalittle, and laugh a lot!!
@Tamara:
ReplyThanks Tamara. I recently saw a photo of her from the back and was amazed that is real. If it makes her and her hubby happy, fine and dandy, but i would think it would create problems for the every day woman who buys clothing off the rack. At least she doesn’t have to drag a stadium cushion with her to the football games!!
@Pattyanne:
ReplyFunny how times have changed, I grew up in the skinny minny era of the 70’s and a girl with a butt like that would be called Fat, LOL Times they are a changin….
@Pattyanne:
ReplyLOL At first I thought she was telling me that i was the one harrassing people about their spelling, then I realized she was talking about me! LOL I didn’t see anything spelled wrong in my comment, just some slang, so I don’t know what she’s on about. Like I said who effin cares! hahaha
@mooki:
And The wedding is on the way too. I am sorry IAN.
Reply@Tamara:
The way i look at it is , if they pick on me, they are leaving someone alone who might give a damn what they think.
Yep, i remember all the rage was Twiggy, and the phrase You Can’t Be Too Rich Or Too Thin… That is a subject Erin should tackle. The way the fashion industry warps our young women into believing their outter appearance is of more importance than the inner person they become. So many become addicted to drugs to maintain a thin figure, or they become anorexic, or bulimic based upon what they see in the magazines. Most of those women in the mags are photoshopped to an inch of their lives, and some stars now admit it publicly. I especially liked Tara Banks for coming out with the real body she possessed, and flaunting it. Such honesty is refreshing!
ReplyYep Astro. Brad and Angie are deeply, and passionately in love. They have no eyes for another, and neither of them has a lover on the side. They no longer smoke the bong, or Coke can Hash, AJ gave up her Meth, the kids are played with everyday, and bathed each night by Brad and Angie personally. The rumor they have a plethora of nannies who actually are raising those six kids is just that, a rumor. It’s also a rumor that several of the kids call the nannies “Momma”. Angie hasn’t seen or touched Jenny shimizu in years! Well, maybe seconds, but that counts doesn’t it? I hear they are now purchasing a small, 100 acre farm in Southern Missouri to be near Brad’s family, where they will live, out of the spotlight, and concentrate on their most important jobs, being real , functioning parents! Ah, it feels so good to write a fairy tale.
Reply@Astro:
ReplyOh Astro – I don’t believe anything she says, she has also said for the last 5 years that she is going to take a year off to spend with her children…never happened. Also, maybe she does want two more children, that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants them with Brad.
OK. One for the Queen : Who has the most sexy check book of them all ? Topsy turvy any one ? The Ego has landed ! Long live the Queen… the blog is dead hahaaha
Replyhttp://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/10/14/women.in.hip.hop/index.html
two things about this CNN article:
Reply-Queen Latifah should just come out of the closet already
-can anybody check if MC Lyte’s org. is a Scilon front? I’ve heard she’s affiliated and that infamous radio host Miss Jones got her and Doug E. Fresh in…
@Ms Agatha:
ReplyHi Aggie~! I’m hoping Erin will post a thread we can sink our teeth into, such as the effect the fashion industry has on the self image of our youth today. If a girl isn’t a size zero, they consider her fat, and of course the fashion industry equates “fat” with “bad person”…ridiculous! I’d enjoy such a thread i believe.
@mooki:
ReplyThanks for the information mooki. You always manage to come up with URL’s and information that is very interesting and on target. You really should be working with IAN, you do a lot to assist the flow of chat here.
@Pattyanne:
Replyhahaaha… Patty.. you are reading my mind… can’t wait for Erin’s next posting…. I will take time off my job to have a talk with her….. Erin I am ready….
@Pattyanne:
ReplyAgree Patty, even when OT occasionally
Jen and John AGAIN…Come On Jen. What is happening with you?.
http://www.laineygossip.com/Us_Weekly_reports_that_Jennifer_Aniston_is_back_with_John_Mayer.aspx?CatID=0&CelID=0
ReplySorry Astro… our mind is not on Jen/John… we got bigger fish to fry … please forgive
Reply@mooki:
ReplyMooki .. I appreciate all your heartfelt thoughts going into this…. but please forgive me …I am in a mourning mood and just don’t give a f*ck about Latifah or any other Queen as a matter of fact … and that includes Queens present
@Pattyanne:
Some fairy tales are just for kids, like the tooth fairy and santa claus.
Other fairy tales are also for adults, like Brangelina
Replyget this def on a mug Mug
I still want to know who has the most sexy check book (see my earlier posting) …..
ReplyTo: Ian
From: Ladybert62’s BOSS
Re: Thank you!
Just a quick note expressing my thanks for the continuing boring items you have posted this past month or so. Due to the total absence of anything interesting or controversial in your articles, ladybert62 has returned to her prior eager beaver mindset at work and her productivity has increased tremendously. On the other hand, of course, there is her refreshed opinion that she is underpaid and I am overpaid – but this is a gross exaggeration on her part since I have to endure her constant crankiness due to the total lack of intellectual stimulation lacking in her job and no longer offset by your articles! But thats what she gets paid to do – boring and tedious job responsibilities which do not entail high earings like I get – after all I get paid the big bucks to deal with her!
In conclusion, keep up the good work Ian – you are a dream come true for bosses like me – you are no longer a distraction at our work site and ladybert has returned to her usual cranky attitude and performing at her prior high level of achievement out of sheer mental boredom.
Give my best regards to SugarRay, Ms. NineCents and little Erin
Ladybert62’s BOSS (also known as “PITA” (ladybert62’s affectionate phrase for me which translates to pain in the ass!)
ReplyЎIncreнble! No estб claro para mн, їcуmo offen que la actualizaciуn de su nombre de ianundercover.com.
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