Sugar Ray Ramone Catone: Jennifer Aniston Does not Cry Mercy, Mercy – Sugar Ray Outs Ex Mrs. Pitt as Being Asexual

Posted on February 23rd, 2009 by HisHighness in IUC:Bits, IUC:Entertainment

lack of whoopee…ex Mrs. Pitt no tactile stimulation…neural receptors…every pore every pulse..just like Morrissey…Jen no like fun in the sun…laid bare before us…abstention from the gods…Johnny B. Goode…just like Rock Hudson…no one can enter…not even Cameron Diaz…No triple decker sandwich with Brangie…Jen no reachy out to humans…can’t understand her identity in its own genesis…same emotional needs as all of us, but without getting things dirty…no orgasmic pleasure…no baby mama like wbf Angie…intoxicated with her virgin like spirits…does not drink foreign substances…glowing like an ember…no cries of mercy for this Friend…Camarón que se duerme, se lo lleva la corriente (The shrimp that falls asleep gets carried away by the current).

Sugar Ray’s Crystal Ball:  Britney becomes a train wreck during her upcoming world tour…a person of very ill repute leads her danger brigade…intrusive, imperceptible…to the grave they swim…

                                                           Te Amo, Sugar Ray Ramone Catone

  1. Kate said on February 23rd, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    Sugar Ray, I am still not clear on the last couple of breaking stories, can you clear up a few things before we move on to this one?

    1-Is the litigation in regards to them splitting up or them sueing someone else?
    2-Is the Beast BBT
    3-is the A list hook up Jolie and Mickey?

    Please, thank you very much! :) Fun but I am not that smart. lol

  2. Kate said on February 23rd, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    So Jen is not getting any, won’t do the down and dirty, John is a gay as Rock Hudson, so much that not even Brangie could tempt him, not even her blowing him?? not even Cameron and he could take gay Paul.

    ?? IDK so she is what, holding out for Brad?

  3. cuze said on February 23rd, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    I’m starting to think the therapist is the one who is spilling the beans. Is Jen pregnant? Inseminated? ….”glowing like an ember”.

  4. cuze said on February 24th, 2009 at 12:35 am

    “the shrimp that falls asleep gets carried away by the current”… miscarriage?????

  5. payal said on February 24th, 2009 at 8:28 am

    i wont be surprised if eventually brad and jen get back together. brad is clearly the love of her life and i very much believe jen is brads.

  6. fresca said on February 24th, 2009 at 11:57 am

    Does anyone understand this crap? I thought Ted was bad, this guy writes like hes on an acid trip. Does he think it makes him sound deeper or just delusional?

  7. BuffyTheEvilSlutSlayer said on February 24th, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    write a fucking sentence please, I am tired of deciphering this crap.

  8. Kate said on February 24th, 2009 at 2:06 pm


    That is a Spanish Proverb, it sort of means, don’t let life pass you by. It was the major them of a group of girls books . Same as saying , those who snooze lose kind of thing, just does not sound as pretty. lol

  9. What A Joke! said on February 24th, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    ROTFLMAO! This guy is full of shit. I’m sitting here reading this crap and LMAO! You guys are complete tools for falling for this loser’s routine. If he’s not careful he’s going to get his socks sued off for all the shit he’s pulling out of his ass. There’s gossip and then there’s defamation and this clown is borderline defaming every celeb he obliquely refers to. If Jolie were doing 1/1,000,000th of the shit he claimed, why is it HE’S the only one who knows about it? How many gossips were at the Oscars and post Oscar bashes looking for dirt. Yet this Ramon character is the only one reporting this garbage. People with no agenda or stake in Jolie or Pitt’s careers were there that night and are reporting stories contrary to this bullshit. Yet here you all sit eating it up with a spoon. Believe what you want, but you all ought to be ashamed of yourselves for sitting around salivating over the prospect of 6 little kids under the age of 8 having their lives ripped apart by their parents splitting. How would you feel if grown ass adults sat around wishing the same fate on YOUR children? Or wishing your children dead the way Aniston’s fans do with the Jolie-Pitt children? You’re all a bunch of pathetic assholes. Lennon said “instant karma’s gonna get you” and you sick fuckers will get your’s one day. I have no doubt about that!

  10. What A Joke! said on February 24th, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    BTW – meant to say – I’m still LMAO at Ian claiming that Pitt slept on the couch Oscar night. Brad’s got 4 houses in that Los Feliz compound of his. A total of about 15 bedrooms…and he had to sleep on the couch? BBBBWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    When you are idiots going to learn – the only people who know what’s going on in Jolie-Pitt Land are Pitt and Jolie and they ain’t talking. You think it’s an accident that they rarely have a nanny spend the night? Their nannies and everyone around them are signed to confidentiality agreements. The number of people in their inner circle, who aren’t family members, is about 4. FOUR LOYAL PEOPLE. The twits at Entertainment Tonight spent a full year thinking they were getting inside info from Jolie’s assistant Holly Goline only to find out they’d been getting ripped off. There are tabloids around the world with hunred of employees and not one of them can get a story right about Jolie & Pitt. ET and dozens of tabloids can’t get reliable info…but a hack fraud like Ian Halperin and his alter ego Ramon Caca are privvy to the real 411? Shit. I wish I were Bernie Madoff. You dumb fuckers are BEGGING to be fleeced!

  11. fresca said on February 24th, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    Someone has anger issues! Major brangeloonie I guess. I have serious doubts that Anistons fans wish harm on those kids. Loons are called that for a reason.

  12. Keane said on February 24th, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    What A Joke! – obviously you are way more intelligent and totally superior to anyone else posting here but please can you tell us how we’re being fleeced? No money is changing hands babe and no-one is taking everything that’s written here as gospel. Try to lighten up babe, no-one is relishing the break up of the parents of 6 young children, rather we’re concerned that they brought that many children into such an unstable relationship in the first place. The one main concern of anyone who anticipates their split is what the fuck is going to happen to those poor children. And to be quite honest, I’ve always thought Jolie’s adoption of children from difficult backgrounds and foreign countries without slowly and carefully introducing them into the family and a full background check on the stability of the couple’s relationship and the suitability of them as adoptive parents has always been highly responsible. If they were adopting in the west they would not have been able to do it, it takes years and they’re so unstable as a couple they would have been turned down. So yeah I think the whole accumulation of babies over a very brief relationship has been totally irresponsible and highly damaging to the welfare of those children. I’m hoping that if and when they split then a more suitable and stable home environment will be created for them. It certainly couldn’t get much worse than being dragged aroudn the world from home to home and country to country without a chance to establish roots or friendships without being dragged off again to go where it suits the whims or careers of mommy and daddy.

  13. Keane said on February 24th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    That was supposed to say “highly irresponsible” of course re: the adoptive practices of Jolie, I’m not sure the words “highly responsible” could be applied to Jolie in any area of life, least of all her kids.

  14. cuze said on February 24th, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    Thanks Kate.

  15. In the know said on February 24th, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    What a Joke you are so right on the money. I’m not a Brangie fan but I know a few Paparazzi guys in La who know more about Brangie than this whack site.


    This sugar ray guy is saying Anisotn is Asexual. Are you guys too dumb to get it? I doubt you’ll believe that shitt because you are all lunatic aniston fans. GET OVER IT! They all have.

  16. Kate said on February 24th, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    @In the know:

    Oh I believe she is, and I am one of her fans. I have no problem with it.

  17. Keane said on February 25th, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    In the Know – I’m not a Jen fan or an Angie fan, in fact the only people I can really think of who I’m a fan of is the Kings of Leon (if you’re in the states you will have never heard of them, even though they’re from Nashville), I don’t really do fandom as a rule. I know enough celebs to know they’re no different from us normal mortals so they don’t really excite me at all. People really have to get over the whole concept that not being a huge fan of Angelina necessarily means you’re a fan of Aniston, life isn’t determined by binary opposites. They aren’t good/bad, Jen/Ange etc. In general I think Aniston is very normal and unremarkable so I’m not that interested in her, but I do feel sorry for her because she got so publicly humiliated and she’s obviously still hopelessly in love and can’t get over it (hey we’ve all been there). Angelina is more “interesting” shall we say…

  18. fresca said on February 26th, 2009 at 11:39 am

    Personally I am loving all the flack on Skankelina. For years she has been treated like a saint when even she and her father have admitted she has had mental issues.

    Jeez no wonder the 14 year live in lover never came forward if it was her brother. Sadly I kind of believe this. It was after the kiss thta her father spoke out about her.

  19. Gwen said on February 27th, 2009 at 5:14 am

    I find this impossible to read. I find myself giving up as it gives me a headache trying to follow it. Incomplete phrases separated by dot dot dots – who writes like that?!?! Ian, why don’t you use these submissions as source material, and then edit them into a coherent entries (or have someone else do it)? Finding so much of the content unreadable is really putting me off the site. And if I were new to the site, being confronted with a good portion of content that’s written in a style even worse than what I’d expect of a barely literate teenager who relies on texting language, I’d immediately think the site had no credibility as a gossip source.

  20. Barb said on March 3rd, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    I’m from the states (Nashville actually) – and LOVE KOL… Listening to Holy Roller Novocaine right now… Don’t assume that because we’re Americans we don’t have any taste in music. The Followill boys are actually from Mt. Juliet, Tennessee.@Keane:


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