IUC Fashion: Erin’s 2009 Celeb Forecast

Posted on December 30th, 2008 by HisHighness in IUC:Entertainment, IUC:Fashion

Will Madonna let her underarm hair grow back in '09?

Will Madonna let her underarm hair grow back in

The dawn of 2009 is fast approaching; John Doe books a motel for him and his lover one last time, Jane Smith buys her final assortment of Krispy Kremes and guilty citizens scurry to Staples to buy the store out of indelible ink.  Currently, resolutions are among us – ‘I won’ts’ and ‘I promises’ and ‘I’ll quits’ hover thickly in the air like Los Angeles smog.  But what about those people who are responsible for the livelihood of the City of Angels – not the bankers and developers, but the stars?  Are they exempt from resolutions or do they have a few guilty secrets of their own?

Will Amy rehab in '09?

Will Amy rehab in

 

 

 What would Hollywood be without guilt and betrayal, cheating and beating, and drugs?  The answer my friends is the yawn-worthy year of 2008. 

Let’s begin with the usual suspects:

 Amy Winehouse is cracked out, yes, but like the leaning tower of Pisa, no resolution is required, she’s never going to stand up straight.

 Robert Downey Junior is clean and functional this year and his neighbours can even leave the windows open, he’s not going to crawl in.

 Sean Penn – a man who in the mid 80’s hung a Paparazzo by his ankles from a ninth floor hotel balcony followed by domestic violent charges from then-wife Madonna is now a limp-wristed liberal playing a gay man and bowing at the Academy’s feet for an Oscar.

 

  Michael Jackson – another balcony offender – is no longer dangling his infant from any hotel terrace, nor is he being accused of diddling that child, who is now presumably of the perfect age.  Rather, pitiably he sits in a wheelchair with a disappearing face and a crinkled white glove. 

Tom Cruise – having buried his homosexuality in the eggs of Katie Holmes and the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard believes wholeheartedly that he has nothing sinful to report.

 Lindsay Lohan – went from coke-snorter to panty-sniffer as sinless as Ellen DeGeneres and has yet to make a full return back.

 Angelina Jolie – at one time crazy enough to suck the blood out of manorexic, Billy-Bob Thornton and wear it around her neck, now only allows for milk sucking by the perpetually open- mouthed Shiloh.

 Which Hollywood star needs to resolve to change in 2009, please tell me?

(IUC fashion correspondent Erin Hershberg)

  1. George said on December 30th, 2008 at 4:16 pm

    Well if your story about Angelina cheating while Brad is away is correct, or if this blind is Jolie wanting to up 1 on Aniston, I would say the change needs to go to Angelina Jolie. She needs to pay attention to the ones she has, and put her life on hold for awhile, nannies aside.

    celebrity 1 and Celebrity 2 hate each other for several reasons. But for right now Celebrity 1 really hates the fact that Celebrity 2 is grabbing the headlines. So Celebrity 1 will soon be announcing something that was supposed to be a secret for a while longer. Why the change in schedule? Simply because Celebrity 1 wants to push Celebrity 2 out of the media spotlight right after the New Year. Celebrity 1, who adopts an I’m-so-above-it-all attitude in public, is actually very competitive and very, very calculating in private. In fact, Celebrity 1 has struck a deal with a certain media source for an exclusive announcement involving a change in family structure. Very shrewd, and certain to grab magazine covers from Celebrity 2 throughout much of 2009.

    —-

    BlindGossip.com

    Reply
  2. Fresh said on December 31st, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    By George. That is interesting.

    Reply
  3. Fresh said on December 31st, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    Britney. She needs to start making some demands. She needs to grab someone’s mike and tell us how she really feels. That’s impossible. Too much self-doubt, lack of self-trust, and too much at stake. sigh.

    Reply
  4. Rey said on January 2nd, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    George, I think the Blind Item is Jlo And Gwyneth Paltrow.

    Reply
  5. arcda said on January 7th, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    Да надо бы над этим задуматься, я этому не уделяю особого внимания, нужно будет пересмотреть действия и предпринять там что бы мой блог ожил, а то только тоны гавнокоментов (спама) действительно хороший пост, респект автору.

    Reply
  6. Kaij said on January 7th, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    Вчера шел по улице, капал дождь и только на секунду я понял, как класно жить и ходить по земле. Мы за всеми нашими проблемами, и этой тоже, иногда забываем о совсем обыденных вещах – о людях, которые возле нас, о мире, который нас окружает. Главное токо по сторонам смотреть, в такие моменты чтобы под колеса не угодить. А так 100% отдых и релакс от природы получить можно, главное постараться.

    Reply
  7. Roger said on January 7th, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Привет всем. Хочу также выразить глубокую благодарность людям, которые создали этот познавательный блог. Я поражён тем, что столько времени не пользовался им. Уже более недели не могу оторваться от огромного количества невероятно полезной информации. Сейчас рекомендую этот блог своим друзьям, чего советую и вам. Хотя и нашёл случайно ваш блог, но уже сразу понял, что останусь тут надолго. Интуитивно понятый интерфейс – главная заслуга для меня, т.к. моя специальность не требует больших знаний персонального компьютера и знаю основы работы лишь поверхностно.

    Reply
  8. Deleter said on January 10th, 2009 at 12:43 am

    Да, столько кофе пить нельзя. Выпил чашечку какого-то бразильского собственной заварки уже три страницы блогов из Яндекс блоги пролистал. Конечно, ведут их школьники частень, ну по крайней мере так кажется на первый взгляд, но спорить стем, что грамотные мысли тоже бывают там не буду. У Вас тоже ничего, со вкусом. Но от дизайна как раз не все зависит, хотя в приятных тонах которые не режут глаз все же приятнее читать и листать. Еще загляну на днях. пока всем

    Reply
  9. Fear said on January 21st, 2009 at 6:27 am

    Мне кажется это не совсем точно. На эту тему имеется несколько мнений. И у каждого человека со своим мировоззрением свое мнение.

    Reply
  10. P said on June 26th, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    Michael just died, so thanks for hurting someone who never did anything but create a legacy.

    Reply

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