IUC Celeb Lifestyles: Everything you never cared to know about Gwyneth

Ever wonder how Gwyneth’s living life these days? Nope, me neither. Except that for purportedly profound reasons she has decided to go ahead and share her deep thoughts with us all in her oh-so-earnest blog: GOOP. Yes, GOOP. Gywns’ overcompensation 4 overcoming post-partum. Only in Hollywood is thirty-six-old enough to impart a life’s worth of wisdom. Think about it, after being born of fortunate physique into a Hollywood director/producer/writer/actor family and miraculously skyrocketing to fame, then getting engaged to another uberstar, marrying a popular (if slightly lame) musician, and then having two ridiculously named kids, she’s earned the right. As if lopping off her hair into an unfortunate bob like every other aging Hollywood hag these days wasn’t enough, now we have prescriptive Martha-esk tips for how to cook your even older bff a Thanksgiving feast complete with commiserate cranberry chutney, how to focus on your inner worth through gentle exercise and a mostly plant-based diet, and our very own Gwyneth Barbie collages for how to match separates and sport a little black dress (because everyone can mix and match their Christian Louboutin, Gucci and Chanel with their Top Shop, Gwyn. You’re so of the people. So well-rounded and grounded and, well, grand).
 
What is that thought process like I wonder? Like, what’s the use of being famous, rich and really smart if you can’t share your hard-won nuggets of naturopathic and fashion wisdom? Except, oops, someone beat you to the punch. Her name is Oprah. She overcame abuse and battles a mammoth weight problem. You, you’re just a normal cougar wife with a dual income multimillion-dollar household dealing with some post-partum and not getting off like you once did when Ethan breathed on you in Great Expectations. We’ve so all been there. Now how are we going to get some more marginally interesting famous folks to blog about their warrior lives. M Kate and Ashley? John Mayer? Moby? Oh but what am I thinking, they already do.

(IUC Lifestyle Correspondent Emily Southwood)