IUC Fashion: Gay is in, Who do you think would make a good homo pair in Hollywood?

Posted on November 19th, 2008 by HisHighness in IUC:Fashion, IUC:Gay

The Wild Boys Couple are Jack Nicholson and Sean Penn
To many a sexy style-seeker’s chagrin, ladies’ fashion these days has ventured into no-man’s land, literally. Women (skinny women!) march about the streets donning billowy frocks that look as if they’ve been filched from poo-eater Divine’s closet or mistakenly borrowed from an older, fetus-toting friend. While their male compatriots sport lines so effeminately slender that both waist size and penis size are required for a pair of pants to fit. Unless designers are attempting to draw-out the (questionable even in women that are actually pregnant) pregnancy glow from all women –Palined or not –, the ill-fitting nature of today’s prêt-a-porter is asexual at best (meaning on Angelina Jolie) and a complete boner killer at worst (meaning Star Jones).
Since Hollywood has its eyes and ears to the runway at all times, it is the spot that suffers most when fashion makes an unflattering turn. Why should pouty and perfect John Mayer go back to aged Jennifer Anus-ton when her arms are as cut as Ahhhnold’s and now she’s dressing like a man? Wouldn’t he do better with complimentary looking Mark Ruffalo, who is a similar age and height?
The answer is yes. At long last, design houses, run as much by homos as Hollywood is by Jews, have given Tinsel-Town no choice but to turn Tinkle-Town and go bare-assed – you no longer have to internet cruise, Mr. Cruise – gay.
And here’s how it should go:

The Manly Men – George Clooney and Clive Owen

The Co-Dependents – Owen Wilson and Robert Downey Junior

The Exotics – Ralph Fiennes and Adrien Brody

The Wild Boys – Jack Nicholson and Sean Penn

The Interracials – Benicio Del Toro and Samuel L. Jackson

The Dandies – Jude Law and Sting
(IUC Fashion Correspondent Erin Hershberg)

  1. PKW said on November 19th, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    I couldn’t agree less.
    Every paparazzi shot of Jennifer on a date shows her in a dress. She’s known for her hair, tanned, lean body and impeccable grooming-and she’s adorable. John Mayer’s quickly becoming the town bicycle. I think the question should be why should she go back to him?
    The notion of women dressing like men is nothing new. YSL designed a tuxedo for women long before the days of Brangelina and the clusterfuck of celebrity. It’s always been sexy for a woman to wear menswear inspired ensembles. Look at Isabella Rosellini. And the Rolling Stones didn’t exactly wear loose fitting, trouser cut jeans, heck, half the metal hair bands in the 80’s wore spandex pants so bloody tight you could easily identify their genitals in a police line up if pressed.
    Hollywood and fashion don’t go hand and hand, as any fashion insider will tell you. It thinks it does but it doesn’t. What’s edgy and stylish at a fashion party would show up on ET as a worst dressed celeb on a red carpet with a ‘What was she thinking?” caption over her head. Stylists have brought a certain glamor and sense of fun to their celebrity clients’ wardrobes and it’s become commonplace for celebs to be front row at fashion shows and/or launch their own clothing lines but really, outside of Gwen Stefani and Diddy, these lines aren’t groundbreaking or setting any trends, but rather coasting on the name behind it. As for women sporting arms that look closer to a man’s I have one word for you-Madonna. The woman is 50 and is made of twisted steel. I’m certain she could bench press us both. Not only that but the very sight of her in various poses in little clothing inspires awe, perhaps moreso in women then in men but I still doubt it’s a boner killer. Now then, Star Jones is an entirely different matter….

  2. Thunderpussgeisha said on November 19th, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Ahahhahaha. I have always been inspired by seeing others in fashionable garbs, but for me it has always been creating my own personal style. I think that the most admirable style is that of an eclectic nature. In other words, wearing what you want, when you want to wear it.
    Now I use to call her Jennifer Traniston – as for a hot minute I thought she was a hot tranny mess from Trannsylvania, but after recently seeing her on 30 Rock, she actually looked healthy and sexy!
    My problem lays more with skinny biaches that can’t even wear their clothes, as their clothes wear them. Eat some fooooood!
    Class over trash!

  3. Emily Southwood said on November 19th, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    Despite my intensely not thinking John Mayer is pouty and perfect and my heartfelt remorse at Mark Ruffalo being taken away from my free-wheeling, hetero female fantasies, I’m gonna roll with this idea and try to fathom what we will do with all the liberated, manly-clad lassies. You guessed it: hardcore celeb les match-up, obviously. I guess with Hugh Jackman being named the sexiest man alive, the whole world’s gone willy nilly.

    So here goes:

    The graduettes: Helen Mirren and Scar Jo
    The lionesses: Penelope Cruz and Madonna
    The dykeness: Lindsay Lohan and Bai Ling
    The cutters: Katie Holmes and Chloe Sevigny
    There’s no accounting for taste: Nicole Kidman and J Lo

  4. Hekki said on November 20th, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    Emily Southwood: WHAT is this about Mark Ruffalo? He’s not gay, is he? Oh noooooooo. Noooooooo. Next you’ll tell me Paul Rudd is, too.

    I’m going to stick my head in the oven now.

  5. Jason said on November 20th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    I think ‘mo is only really a good way to go if you’re a woman Think of how much we’ve seen Lindsay Lohan act post rehab? Well, we haven’t. However, she is still everywhere because she now embodies the Lesbian Chic movement.
    However, as a gay guy here’s some Hollywood pairs you missed…

    The Sensitive Artist: Ryan Gosling and James Franco
    The Awkward, Just Out Couple: Michael Cera and Jay Barachel
    The Pretty Boys: Zac Efron and any of the Jonas Brothers
    and, hopefully one day
    The Scientology Boys: tom Cruise and John Travolta(!!!)


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