IUC Fashion: Gay is in, Who do you think would make a good homo pair in Hollywood?
To many a sexy style-seeker’s chagrin, ladies’ fashion these days has ventured into no-man’s land, literally. Women (skinny women!) march about the streets donning billowy frocks that look as if they’ve been filched from poo-eater Divine’s closet or mistakenly borrowed from an older, fetus-toting friend. While their male compatriots sport lines so effeminately slender that both waist size and penis size are required for a pair of pants to fit. Unless designers are attempting to draw-out the (questionable even in women that are actually pregnant) pregnancy glow from all women –Palined or not –, the ill-fitting nature of today’s prêt-a-porter is asexual at best (meaning on Angelina Jolie) and a complete boner killer at worst (meaning Star Jones).
Since Hollywood has its eyes and ears to the runway at all times, it is the spot that suffers most when fashion makes an unflattering turn. Why should pouty and perfect John Mayer go back to aged Jennifer Anus-ton when her arms are as cut as Ahhhnold’s and now she’s dressing like a man? Wouldn’t he do better with complimentary looking Mark Ruffalo, who is a similar age and height?
The answer is yes. At long last, design houses, run as much by homos as Hollywood is by Jews, have given Tinsel-Town no choice but to turn Tinkle-Town and go bare-assed – you no longer have to internet cruise, Mr. Cruise – gay.
And here’s how it should go:
The Manly Men – George Clooney and Clive Owen
The Co-Dependents – Owen Wilson and Robert Downey Junior
The Exotics – Ralph Fiennes and Adrien Brody
The Wild Boys – Jack Nicholson and Sean Penn
The Interracials – Benicio Del Toro and Samuel L. Jackson
The Dandies – Jude Law and Sting
(IUC Fashion Correspondent Erin Hershberg)