IUC Fashion: Just like pal Miley, Incest is Best for Jonas Brothers
For many years it has been the job of Disney to suck the sex out of prepubescent teenagers, cover them in foundation, toss them microphones and broadcast them on T.V. Once these Diz’ kidz’ grow older, if they don’t fade into oblivion altogether, they f…ck their brains out, shave their heads, turn into drug addicts, or take the pitiable high road like Annette Funicello and publicly come down with M.S.
Who knows if change was in mind when Disney put the Jo-Bros on the market in 2006, dressing them in skinny jeans and mussing their hair…But, if metamorphosis was the intention, stagnation was – and is – the result. The Jonas brothers – vests, sneakers, sunglasses and all – could get photographed being blown by Huey, Dewey, and Louie and still look as cloyingly sweet as cotton-candy flavored bubble gum.
If Disney wants to market these sass-less siblings to a broader spectrum then the company is going to have to do something bold that would take the fashion world by storm. And all that is missing in the en vogue is some down and dirty honesty. Really now, it is time for a little truth telling in the style arena so why not start it up with the much needed making over of the Jo Bros. Go for it Disney: toss Walmart wet-dream Miley Cirus back into papa Billy’s arms (sure, let him cop a feel), chuck the cookie cutter bull s..t and get back to the cutting edge. It’s time for a new kind of branding – incest is in!
Imagine Joseph Jonas wearing a t-shirt with an ironed-on decal of Kevin singing a number one single into Nick’s cock– how meta, how progressive, how hot! Or maybe a tribute to the Mickey-Mouse cap inspired by Kevin tea-bagging his testicles over brother Joseph’s head —aaah freedom.
Incest or not there is one thing the Jonas Brothers tell the public about fashion and that is it high-time for a revolution. Tight jeans have gone from cool when T-Rex was wearing them to ironic when The Strokes squeezed themselves in to so bloody banal that even Mickey and Donald could pull them off.
(IUC Fashion Correspndent Erin Hershberg)
- 8 Comments
- Tags: Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus
Oh look…its the little virgin boys..
ReplyThe Jonas Brothers are the most homogenized piece of Disney marketing shit cooked up in a hot minute. With their white-fros, skinny jeans and saccarine bullshit they call songs, one of these brothers needs to pick up a drug habit and go public ASAP. They bore the shit out of me and hurt my ears simultaneously. I could go without the incest part, however chic it now may be in the pop universe, however I don’t think it would hurt if one of them got caught snorting la ropa bianca off of Gary Busey’s waxed chest, or if one of them punched out a pap live on TMZ. Come on guys, live a little. You’re limiting your options by pandering to the pre-pubescent masses. There’s a whole clusterfuck of a world to explore out there in the public eye. Go on, give it a taste. It tastes good, doesn’t it!?
ReplyIan.
Can’t you out one of these little prats?
ReplyWell, the elder two are gay. Of the Disney tween set: ZE, CL, LG, and JM play for the other team as well.
ReplyOh the Jonas Sisters. Gotta love to hate em! I have a ten year old niece who really enjoys them, and she gets quite enraged when I refer to them as that. But it is just PURE FUN! I really would like it if boys started looking like boys again. I mean think of this in terms of a race thing too…who odd would it be to see Ne-Yo, or another rising ethnic popstar with that shaggy hair??!! That would be pure jokes, while still being awfully terrifying. CUT YOUR DAMN HAIR JONAS SISTERS!!
ReplyAs for the tight jeans and pants, doesn’t that hurt your manhood? I fear small squished off-spring in the future. Little squished sperm just did not have the vigor of a a sperm of a man in loose pants. Maybe someone should intervene and tell them it is for medical reasons.
[...] IanUnderCover » Blog Archive » IUC Fashion: Just like pal Miley … [...]
[...] by as Fashion Another fellow blogger put an intriguing blog post on IanUnderCover » Blog Archive » IUC [...]
[...] IUC Fashion: Just like pal Miley, Incest is Best for Jonas Brothers [...]