These and other customs (ask me what we do for May Day–it involves BBQ’d squirrel meat and homemade crystal meth–a real doozy!) are why Michigan’s state motto is, “If you seek a pleasant peninsula [because who doesn't?], look about you.”

2. Powell says Palin the reason he endorsed Obama… Not Powell, the world.

3. Husband butchers wife to death cause of changed facebook status… wait, should we all go to Facebook immediately to change, um, some things?

4. Get out the Kleenex, NYC’s hotels feeling pinch… Finally. Now if they could only do something about all those bedbug rumors.

5. Gay Arabs flock to Israel for protection… “Still hanging out with homosexuals” jijijij That’s so gay.

And…thank GOD the man who butchered his wife was British, not Southern. Because of course that was my first thought!

Thanks America, ya’really just made me proud!

I think Facebook should have been left out of it. A simple “Social Networking Site” could have sufficed. I’m sure people have been beaten, stabbed, shot, burned, and poisoned over what they have uploaded to their Myspace, Friendster, or HotOrNot accounte before. Okay, maybe not HotOrNot.

Still, using ‘Facebook’ as buzzword in this article depreciates the impact of a woman getting murdered by a jealous (ex) husband. On the flipside, the victim should have probably waited a little bit longer before changing the status of her relationship on an online profile. Everyone knows how Facebook works, you update your account with that kind of information change and suddenly all your friends are getting it in their newsfeed. For a newly single woman, raising a big flag of “HEY I CAN FUCK AROUND AGAIN!” would understandably piss off any spouse. It’s obnoxious to that, and perhaps she did not understand the scope of what was happening. Though, the meat cleaver was obnoxious too, so take it for what you will.

“I don’t condone his actions by any means, but when things like this happen, people do crazy things. They don’t think about what they’re doing or the repercussions that follow, they just do it. She was wrong to change her status on Facebook only 4 days after the separation, especially knowing her husband would view it. She didn’t deserve death for it, by any means, but perhaps she should have thought twice about the consequences of her actions.”

I’d really hate to see what would have happened if she had moved her best friend’s boyfriend to her #1 spot in her top friends. What kind of punishment would she have deserved, then, Kelly? As if being hacked to death in her sleep with a meat cleaver isn’t bad enough, people are actually commenting she “had it coming?” Just one more reason I’m proud to say, “I don’t live in Michigan.”

How long was that guy hosing himself? I mean really, have you ever called the cops? It takes them a while to get there. No wonder he had to use such a powerful self pleasuring device.

Mmm, Prince Harry and William, I want to be their tampon, oops, I mean butt plug.

Imagine this scenario- President McCain, dead of a heart attack two months after taking office- the new President, Sarah Palin is sworn in, she decides to redecorate the White House in bearskin rugs and antlers. She shoots squirrels from the window of the oval office and has the chef prepare them for dinner. And then a serious terrorist attack, similar to 9/11 happens while she is reading a book at her kids’ school. She:
A. Keeps reading.
B. Starts to cry and has to take off her fake glasses because they are fogging up.
C. Says if she was still in Alaska she would have been able to see it coming, even though she is told that it is not the Russians.
D. Goes on television and tells everyone that it is not a terrorist attack, it is the rapture, and she and other born agains will be disappearing and those that are left are the bad people.

No fair, Ian. What if a wild baboon rips out my earring today, the wound becomes infected, I develop blood poisoning and die from a raging fever overnight? You ever think of that? Huh?

No fair to tease…